Develop your Intuition
This was pretty appropriate as I had just visited with an Intuitionist; the amazing Deb Sheppard. I had seen her before in group settings where she does monthly motivational speaking and then reading. It took me about 6 months to must the courage to go in and meet with her to talk about my future.
She didn’t show up in a long flowing cape with a crystal ball, which is both a blessing and a curse, because crystal balls are so cool. She also didn’t read my mind, at least not that I know of . . . what she did do was help me connect with my intuition, about 2 weeks before today’s Daily Tea. She helped me remember me. What I really cared about, what made me the happiest. Most of all she showed me to stop ignoring so many signs that were all around me. Trust myself and my guides more so I could find some peace.
Something I was really struggling with was WHO AM I? Big deal right? Everyone does that from time to time. In my case I always feared growing up being a Jack of all Trades, Master of None. I associated it with people who couldn’t make up their mind. I was pretty single minded when I was younger. I wanted to be a Rock Star (yep, that’s me!) Specifically, I wanted to be Gene Simmons. I was single minded. I practiced music constantly. It was all I could think of 24/7, rocking and rolling all night and partying everyday! But then I got bored . . . or scared? I am not sure which. But I knew I needed to be focused to be successful and when diversity entered my life it was a blessing and a curse.
Soon my mind began to wander. It started with the styles of music. I wanted to be a jazz player, then classical (joined the symphony), soon I was hooked on playing in pits for stage musicals, then eventually I returned to good old Rock n Roll! Then I got hooked on motorcycles again, then technology, the spirituality, then and then and then . . . These things all led to different careers some for a long time and others just briefly.
Even starting the AdventureHermit site seemed scary because it would define me . . . put me in a box. What I didn’t realize was even my riding style had changed over the years. I had my ATV years, my track years, my Harley Davidson bad ass years and my current phase distance and adventure riding. Even in riding I couldn’t commit to one thing. I didn’t want to dislike other riders because of what they rode and I didn’t want to be judged because of what I rode, so I kept blurring the lines.
I saw this quite clearly when my wife, then girlfriend, and I started dating. Everyone knew me as a long haired musician, and as such they all assumed she was supporting me. Non of them knew I was a Vice President of a company and took time off to tour and had also sold a software solution I had developed which was modestly lucrative. On one hand I was ashamed of my “corporate life” but on the other hand I was embarrassed that people might not think I could support myself. It was like I was keeping a secret. Most people find it hard enough to hold down one job, so when I would have several at a time it was hard for people to believe. Heck, it was hard for me to believe sometimes. What I couldn’t do and what I really wanted to do was just say screw it and just be.
This uncertainty, made it hard to answer the very basic, so “What do you do?” question that always comes up. This is easy for my wife being one of the few people I know who actually has a job in the field she studied in college.
But for me I never know where to start. “Who am I today?” I would think to myself when the question came up. I can’t be defined by how I make money, even though that is how most people identify themselves. I am the sum of what I do . . . not just how I earn a paycheck.
Authenticity is very important to me and having all these different interests made knowing who I was in the form of a single sentence very difficult. I want to be able to say, “Hi I’m Joe and I’m a plumber, or a doctor, or a Best Buy associate (but one who actually knows that they are talking about). But I am not any of those things. I am . . . a Mosaic . . . a mosaic? Yeah, that’s it.
And that’s how Deb helped me. She asked me, “Are you yellow?” Like the color I assumed, not as if she was some cool Cowboy Psychic; to which I replied no. “Good,” she said, “you are a Mosaic. Embrace it.” In that instance I realized all of my ideas and opportunities that I was leaving unfinished were because of my fear of being just one thing. Here I thought I was wanted to be one thing and in fact I was sabotaging it at every turn. In other words, I was afraid of committing to something in fear that I might change my mind. I didn’t want to look like a quitter. But who cares? Why not simply change when I feel like it. What does it really matter. Stop trying to Yellow! Be a Mosaic. Create, flow . . . be.
I realized that rather than swirling around in uncertainty I can simply change from tile to tile as I see fit. Floating in chaos like I wrote about Keith Moon.
Rather than listening to my guides to find my one thing, which they were clearly are not going to give me, because it is not my path; I need to trust them to take me on a journey as ideas and opportunities present themselves.
I am beginning a new chapter where I trust my intuition more. Not in a crippling way, but in a liberating way where I can jump from idea to idea. Going with my gut (which is pretty easy these days – damn sit-ups I hear you calling, I’ll be right there) not supposing what will happen and putting a stop to opportunity. Start living my life like I ride; having just enough of a destination in mind but staying loose enough to let the road dictate the journey.
What does today’s Daily Tea mean to you? Please comment below!